S6E73 | Magnolia Dove - Disney Programming, Star Search, Celebrity Ghostwriting, & Soul Contracts

Today I’m honored to have back on the show for a second time: Satanic ritual abuse, MK ULTRA mind control, covert experimentation, and organized abuse survivor, whistleblower and overcomer, Indy Film Producer, artist and painter, writer, singer and songwriter, spiritual conduit and healer, and a woman who transforms the unspeakable into a testament of the soul’s unyielding sovereignty: Magnolia Dove

A little bit about Magnolia if you missed her testimony episode, are new here, or need a quick recap:

Born in New York City with a rare AB positive bloodline and deep roots in survival, Magnolia entered the world already marked. Her maternal grandmother was a Holocaust survivor from Hungary - arriving in America with little more than resilience and quiet strength. Her father’s side carried echoes of Transylvanian Roma heritage - psychic sensitivity woven into the blood. Raised as an only child in the idyllic yet deceptive beauty of East Hampton in the Hamptons, Magnolia navigated a loving but fractured home: her father’s cocaine addiction, family dysfunction, and the early dissociation that veiled her youngest memories. What should have been a childhood of safety became, from the tender age of five, a battlefield of unimaginable horror.

Ensnared by perpetrators connected to MK ULTRA, Stargate, a satanic coven known as the Sisters of Darkness, and even her best friend’s parents linked to Warner Brothers and Hollywood elite circles, Magnolia endured routine ritual abuse and programming. These traumas layered with near-death experiences sought to shatter her spirit and install unbreakable compartments of control. Yet even in the darkest programming sessions, she glimpsed divine intervention. Angelic counsel, a profound connection to Yeshua, and moments of elevated consciousness sustained her.

The abuse began to loosen its daily grip around age nine, though sporadic access continued. Magnolia buried the memories deep, excelling outwardly in gifted programs while her inner world remained compartmentalized. Then, just over a decade ago, a single chilling recollection - a perpetrator’s Russian roulette threat - unlocked a flood of memory. Piece by agonizing piece, the truth emerged. What followed was not defeat, but a fierce reclamation.

Magnolia’s healing journey has been neither linear nor conventional. Traditional systems offered surface-level support at best. Through holistic practices, plant medicines, inner-child work, and - most powerfully - a direct, living relationship with Yeshua, she integrated memories, confronted implanted guilt and shame, and stepped into wholeness. She faced the impossible: the knowledge that adults she trusted had betrayed her, that she had been forced into unthinkable acts under duress, and that layers of programming still echoed in her nervous system. Yet she refused to remain fractured. Today, with many memories reclaimed and others held in curious trust, Magnolia radiates vibrant life. She is not broken. She is sovereign.

As a master artist and creator, Magnolia turns pain into profound beauty. Her paintings, songs, and writings serve as bridges between worlds - ancient wisdom meeting urgent truth. As a healer and spiritual conduit, she offers deliverance, compassionate guidance, and energetic restoration rooted in the Holy Spirit. She creates sacred sanctuary for fellow survivors of ritual abuse, mind control, and complex trauma, walking beside them with the empathy only one who has crossed the abyss can offer. Her voice - soft yet unshakable - carries the weight of lived testimony and the lightness of hard-won freedom.

Magnolia is more than a survivor. She is a warrior of light, a spiritual alchemist, and a living invitation to every wounded soul: Your story does not end in the dark. Through her courage, she fills memory gaps for others, validates the disbelieved, and proves that even the most heinous programming cannot override the soul’s unyielding sovereignty. She embodies the truth that light is stronger, that redemption is possible, and that heaven can be brought to earth one reclaimed heart at a time.

🔗WATCH MAGNOLIA'S PART 1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yife06w3W5Q

🔗DONATE TO MAGNOLIA:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/standing-with-magnolia-in-her-path-to-light?attribution_id=fbb67b0a-213a-437e-9509-f8addaa4566b

🔗CONNECT WITH MAGNOLIA:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/magnoliadove777

🔗CONNECT WITH EMMA:
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Heavenly Father, today we put on the full armor to protect us against attack. We put on the belt of truth to protect against lies and deception. We put on the breastplate of righteousness to protect our hearts from the temptations. We put the gospel of peace on our feet to walk in your light, peace and freedom with the Holy Spirit. We rebuke anxious thoughts. We take up your shield of faith for protection to block and destroy all the darts and threats thrown at us by the enemy. We put on the helmet of salvation to cover our minds and thoughts, reminding us that we are children of a mighty King. We are forgiven, set free, saved by the blood of Jesus. We take up the sword of the Spirit, your living word, that has the power to demolish strongholds and is sharper than any double-edged sword. We come to you, Lord, in prayer daily. In Jesus' mighty name we pray. Amen. Amen. What's up, you guys? Welcome to The Imagination. I'm your host, Emma, and today I'm so honored to have back on the show for a second time. Satanic ritual abuse, MKUltra mind control, covert experimentation, and organized abuse, survivor, whistleblower, and overcomer, independent film producer, artist and painter, writer, singer and songwriter, spiritual conduit and healer, and a woman who transformed the unspeakable into a testament of the soul's unyielding sovereignty, Magnolia Dove. A little bit about Magnolia Dove, if you guys missed her first testimony episode, if you're new here, or if you just need a quick recap. Born in New York City with a rare A B positive bloodline and deep roots in survival, Magnolia entered the world already marked. Her maternal grandmother was a Holocaust survivor from Hungary, arriving in America with little more than resilience and quiet strength. Her father's side carried echoes of Transylvanian Rome heritage, psychic sensitivity woven into the blood. Raised as an only child in the idyllic yet deceptive beauty of East Hampton and the Hamptons, Magnolia navigated a loving but fractured home. Her father's cocaine addiction, family dysfunction, and the early dissociation that veiled her youngest memories. What should have been a childhood of safety became, from the tender age of five, a battlefield of unimaginable horror. Ensnared by perpetrators connected to MKUltra, Stargate, a satanic coven known as the Sisters of Darkness, and even her best friend's parents linked to Warner Brothers and Hollywood elite circles, Magnolia endured routine ritual abuse and programming. These traumas, layered with near-death experiences, sought to shatter her spirit and install unbreakable compartments of control. Yet even in the darkest programming sessions, she glimpsed divine intervention, angelic counsel, a profound connection to Yeshua, and moments of elevated consciousness sustained her. The abuse began to loosen its daily grip. Around age nine, though sporadic access continued. Magnolia buried the memories deep, excelling outwardly in gifted programs while her inner world remained compartmentalized. Then, just over a decade ago, a single chilling recollection, a perpetrator's Russian roulette threat, unlocked a flood of memories. Peace by agonizing peace, the truth emerged. What followed was not defeat, but a fierce reclamation. Magnolia's healing journey has been neither linear nor conventional. Traditional systems offered surface level support at best. Through holistic practices, plant medicines, inner child work, and most powerfully, a direct living relationship with Yeshua, she integrated memories, confronted implanted guilt and shame, and stepped into her wholeness. She faced the impossible, the knowledge that adults she trusted had betrayed her, that she had been forced into unthinkable acts under duress, and that layers of programming still echoed in her nervous system. Yet she refused to remain fractured. Today, with many memories reclaimed and others held in curious trust, Magnolia radiates vibrant life. She's not broken, she's sovereign. As a master artist and creator, Magnolia turns pain into profound beauty. Her paintings, songs, and writings serve as bridges between worlds, ancient wisdom meeting urgent truth. As a healer and spiritual conduit, she offers deliverance, compassionate guidance, and energetic restoration rooted in the Holy Spirit. She creates sacred sanctuary for fellow survivors of ritual abuse, mind control, and complex trauma, walking beside them with the empathy only one who has crossed the abyss can offer. Her voice, soft yet unshakable, carries the weight of lived testimony in the lightness of hard-won freedom. Magnolia is more than a survivor. She's a warrior of light, a spiritual alchemist, and a living invitation to every wounded soul. Your story does not end in the dark. Through her courage, she fills memory gaps for others, validates the disbelieved, and proves that even the most heinous programming cannot override the soul's unyielding sovereignty. She embodies the truth that light is stronger, that redemption is possible, and that heaven can be brought to earth one reclaimed heart at a time. So you guys, without further ado, please help me in welcoming back today's guest of honor, Voice for the Voiceless, Walking Miracle, Survivor, Overcomer, and Thriver, Educator, Creative, Anti-Child Abuse, and Survivor Advocate, Spiritual Warrior and Woman of God, my dear friend, and the brightest light in the darkness, the one, the only, Magnolia Dove. Magnolia, it is so good to have you back. I'm so happy to do a part two with you. Thank you for being with us today.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Thank you so much for having me and for again that amazing introduction.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

I'm always just like you're so deserving of it. You're welcome. I'm excited to have you back. Um, last time we had a jam-packed episode. And as people can tell from the intro, there was no shortage of information that you gave. But I think what people don't realize is we really just scratched the surface of your story. We got into a lot of the cold abuse, a lot of your family history. And for people who missed that one, I'm gonna have that episode down in the show notes and definitely recommend you guys listen to it before or after this episode. But today we're gonna go on a different journey. We're gonna talk about some things that we didn't get to last time that you simply alluded to. Um, and I'm really excited for that. And I'm just really appreciate you putting this together today and for your courage to come on and share this information.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Yes, thank you so much for allowing me to come back for part two and share this with everyone. And, you know, again fill in more pieces for people because a lot of it is just coming together so tightly. And I feel that this is part of the I don't know, the the rectification, I guess, of of the world, of the planet and going back to like if we're to bring heaven here on earth, we've had our work cut out for us, and I feel like this this truth coming out, sharing this, like is part of putting that back together and part of the healing uh in a more unified sense.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

I completely agree, and you're such a big part of that. And before we get into sharing about your testimony, one other thing people listening might not realize is how close the community is of survivors that are speaking out. And one thing I wanted to do was to honor somebody that you and I both knew and that you were very close to behind the scenes, and that I've covered a lot on this episode, Madison Cups or Madison Claire's.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

And I just wanted to give you an opportunity to share a little bit about her and to thank you for being such a wonderful friend to her. I know your friendship meant the world to her and uplifted her. And I want to honor your friendship here and give you a chance to say anything that you would like to about Madison since everybody on this channel is familiar with her.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Yeah, thank you so much. I really loved Madison. I uh I knew her for I about two and a half years, I guess, was our time together. And the the reason I reached out to her originally was our Warner Brothers connection. Um, and at that point, we were kind of talking to uh someone that was gonna possibly investigate. And we were thinking of a lawsuit uh at that time, which it didn't quite pan out. Again, those things are hard to prove in for lawsuits, you know, lawsuit purposes. And but then we forged a friendship and we ended up speaking quite a bit, and we met up uh somewhere in California, uh well, Nevada City, we met up. Um and we had a beautiful day shopping together, like vintage shopping and just hanging out, and we continued to stay in touch. And I really loved her, I love her, and it is just really shocking, and the way I found out was very shocking because I had spoken to her the last in-depth phone conversation was end of March, actually. And so we had just yeah, um, it was like a two-hour conversation, and I just I held a little ceremony of of my own saying goodbye um one night by the water where near where I live, and um I had some flowers and I let them into the the water and I said a prayer for her and spoke to her, and then I saw a shooting star, um, which yeah, was really cool. So I felt I felt her presence. And I just also, you know, she was an amazing advocate of survivors. She did so much brave work to put herself out there the way she was, and she was so, she was just so proactive and such a strong person, such a strong voice, and um, I mean, really not a mean bone in her body, and so strong, and to have gone through what she went through at the hands of her own parents. It's like the ultimate betrayal. And I'd also like to say what I think that they are doing now and what they've done with the obituary and some of the harassment and gaslighting uh with you and your your channel and interview of her, interviews of her. I think it is despicable. I think they are disgusting. And not only did they contribute to her death in s in one way or another, um, whether it was accidental or um something else, they contributed. And so they have blood on their hands. And um, you know nothing goes unchecked. So, you know, whether they believe in God and and heaven and the Holy Spirit or just plain karma, um it will not be forgotten. And what they do have the chance to do would be to rectify it by coming out and apologizing for what they have done and not writing an obituary gaslighting her and putting it all under the guise of mental illness and an acid trip, you know, at 16 or 17 years old. That's not how acid works. Um, that's just not how it works. And you don't just remember a slew of false memories uh over a decade later. Sorry. Like these are real memories. And at some point in time, whether you do it in this life or the next or in the afterlife, like you will have to fix this.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

Amen. And I think too, the the interesting thing is they pin the psychosis and this acid trip on Madison, yet Madison has been very clear that her twin sister also disclosed. So is her sister psychotic and schizophrenic too? It's interesting how only Madison gets labeled that, even though you know there was more than one disclosure in the family. But either way, I'm really grateful that she had you. I know, like you said, she was so brave. She put her full name out, every single name, every single company. There was no ship with her, her family's names, full names, you know, addresses, police reports. Like she was just, you know, all in, and there was no holds bar with her. And it was extremely dangerous the risk that she took to do that. Yeah. Ultimately, you know, in one way or another, it did cost her a lot. And you know, right down to, you know, who wouldn't have mental health issues going through what she did to one degree or another, and and you know, the gaslighting from society and not being helped after all that to what she overcame and survived from her family. Yeah. We're so lucky that we got to hear her like super sane. Like, you would only have to listen to her for 15 seconds to see she's a completely sane person, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

Yes, yes, very sane, very good-natured, very good willed, very kind.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

What she was so smart for being so young. I think she was like 24 whenever you and I met her. I mean, wild for years.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Yes, she really was, and she was a light to the world. And I just know that she now is in a good place, and she she did, I mean, she she did her mission. Whether she got to do her mission musically, that part makes me sad because she was a very talented musician. Um, and I know that she wanted more in that, you know, in that avenue in her life. But I I know she did like the Dharma, you know, her her work of um for humanity in a lot of ways, you know, and she she's really the one that um, you know, put pizza back pizzagate back on the map on a lot of ways because she had so much inside information about it and was able to expose it the way that she did. And you know, it is it's a direct link. You can see, like, and you see in the obituary, her her father was Brian Cups, like that's who she was naming. He's standing next to Steve Jobs in, you know, many uh their, you know, their business, uh, whatever they had, food.com and you know, that online pizza ordering company. Like, you can trace it. It's this is real. Um, and she did it, she did amazing work exposing it. Um, and I yeah, I just I'm grateful that I got to know her. I'm grateful that you know we both had her.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

So I am too. And I'm really I'm thankful that during those really hard times she had friends like you and Kibbi Linga and Brooke. You know, she had a good support system despite facing so much opposition from society and and you know, that that she was going up against every day. So I appreciate you honoring her and taking a moment to bring her up and talk about her. I just want her to remember to be who she was and not the narrative that's trying to be spun about her, you know. Yeah, or all of us that actually knew her. Um she was just amazing, and there's nothing anybody can do to try to erase that no matter how hard they try. So um, with that being said, um, so last episode, like how I was saying a little bit ago, we talked a lot about the cult abuse that you went through, uh, your family history and documenting how you were thrown into the fire quite literally with the satanic coven that you encountered through a babysitter nonetheless. Yes. Um, this episode I know is gonna be themed a little bit differently. However, you have had a little bit more memory recall since last time and some other memories come up regard regarding the cult abuse side. So I wanted to see if maybe you wanted to talk about that. Um, and then we'll move into and segue into the rest of what we're gonna talk about today.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Yes, I would. So, and I just want to say side note, my dog is snoring in the background. Um, and so that's what the audio might be picking that up. So um I love it. Anyway, um Yep, there she goes. I don't know if you can hear that, but um yes, so without like giving location, I live in a very powerful vortex area. Um, it does bring things up. And when, you know, I thought I had most of my memories really. Um, because I, you know, I did like 14 years of of trauma work and all kinds of you know, plant medicines, energy works, all the things that you've you've um stated. And um, but this, you know, this place that I live, it will bring things up energetically when they need to be dealt with. And there was one week where I was I've been writing a book, and so I've been working on that. And I had I remembered that because some of my memory work has happened through my dreams. And um yeah, I mean, and that's and some of the deprogramming also has has happened through dreams. I don't know if I had mentioned in the last interview, I had screamed and broken a structure that was part of the MKUltra um and just things like that. But what I remembered was that about now it would probably be almost two years ago, I was having a series of dreams. And you know, I think a lot of people know that sometimes you dream and you'll have one and then it goes to another. And um and all of a sudden I had this dream vision where I was above my body looking down through the ceiling of a house, which was my the same babysitter's house, which was Sharon Ainsman, that was her name. She's now deceased, um uh of dementia or natural semi-natural causes. Um, but uh what I saw in that dream was that I was looking above myself, I heard a really weird music, almost like a horror movie, and it felt like a spell. It was like showing me this sort of mirage of something. And when I dropped down and looked, I saw myself on a pentagram on the floor. In Sharon's kitchen holding a girl in my arms who had died. And I saw the details of the girl, what she was wearing, what I was wearing, like I saw the whole thing, and I saw Sharon and her sister looking on with um pleasure, like like enjoyment, and I was horrified. Um and that was the dream. And then I did not look at that until this past fall, where I um I actually had another fellow survivor who works with SRA people. Um, I don't know if it's safe to say him, but uh I'll just I'll leave it there. Uh I had him help me process the memory because that's the work really that he does. He just held space. There was no suggestibility. He just held space for me to remember. And uh what I recalled was, you know, in in being finally ready to look at this, was that it was actually a seance sacrifice. Uh again, I've not looked up any of these terms. These are just things that have come to me in the understanding of from the memory. Um, and so Sharon's sister was present for this, and her husband was deceased, and she wanted to basically bring him back. And in bringing him back, they wanted a virgin sacrifice, and the girl that I think it is, uh, again, in remembering, it's so different in the dream, seeing it, and then going through a session remembering it's not as vivid. But um there was this girl Desiree that I knew that uh her family was, I think they were Amish. And um, because I I just remember playing with her maybe once uh at her house. My mom had dropped me off, and I remember her saying, you know, a Desiree has a very different lifestyle than you do. You know, they don't they don't have TV, they didn't do lights, like they did candles, like they had a different thing going on. I also remember she she must have been going through violence in her home life because she had stitches on her head that were. Do you remember those metal stitches that kind of look like a berrette? And I had remembered saying to her, like, oh, is that a berret? It was like a butterfly or something like a, but it was a stitch from she had a cut or two cuts in her head, like from a gash. And I remember like her saying, no, it's like a boo-boo, you know? And she had two brothers that I saw were bullying her. And like when I did play at her house, I was aware that they they were assaulting her on some level. And I it's possible there was sexual assault. Um, and from what I'll explain now, probably, probably there was that. Um so Desiree went to this neighborhood babysitter, and again, I don't know how many times, and I will assume her family was a part of this, if this is how this happened. Um and they wanted this virgin sacrifice, and there was me and this other girl, Stacy. I don't know her last name, I can see her face. She was about two years older than me and would boss me around a lot at the babysitter. Um, and she was the first one that I feel like I learned the word shut up from because they would lock us into the basement sometimes and I'd be screaming and she'd be like, shut up, shut up, shut up. Um, like you're gonna make it worse, you know? And she was kind of my like child handler in those scenarios, I would say. And what I remember is they they wanted this sacrifice, and they also were I was aware that they did not want the physical blood on their hands, so that's part of um why they want it, wasn't just about corrupting us and and handling and training us, it was also like the karma is less, or so they think, by having someone else do the act. And so they had this girl Desiree there. I believe they drugged her with candy or something. They they got something where she was not lucid, and um she was laying on this sigil, which I believe was a pentagram, and they were they well, they they threatened like, you know, if you don't do this, it's it's your mom. So who are you gonna choose, you know? Um, and basically what I recalled in this session was that um Stacy and I were supposed to strangle her. And I was pretending to strangle her, actually. So I was like, I had my hands there at the neck, but I was like, if I I don't know how to say this, like without it's like if you're making something look like you're doing it, but you're not fully pressing. And that's what mostly I was doing, but I knew this girl was going to be dead. Um, yeah, that's my freshest memory, and um they were the the two witches, Sharon and her sister, who I don't even remember her her name, the the sister, um, but I can see her face. She uh they were like kind of standing around and like egging it on. And Stacy had a pretty mean streak, I would say. So what I know is that at a certain point I felt this girl's soul leave her body, and I immediately started crying and trying to bring her back to life and begging for her to come back, and these two witches were laughing, and I felt this, I don't know why, but I felt this like somehow responsibility also that she had even come to this babysitter. Like I felt like I had betrayed her by her even being here with these people. And yeah, I was just crying and begging for her to come back, and that was the kind of expression that I guess I allowed myself to have. Because once I did the task that they were asking or really threatening me with doing, it was like then I could express the remorse. Because like to them, I got the job done, or at least so they thought, which you know. When and I don't have a lot of spiritual aftermath the way I do with the other one that I've recalled, unfortunately. Maybe it will come more even after this, um because there was such high trauma in the aftermath of what they did, which was we were then chased out of the kitchen with a chainsaw. So there's like this kitchen layout, the the pentagram on the linoleum floor. They had a very like old 70s kitchen, very orange and like lime green, orange kind of burnt orange linoleum floor. I can see like the tile, you know, the it's not real tile, but um, and that's the first time I ever saw a chainsaw. They chased us into the basement, which, you know, they would lock, and we would always be at the steps of it, it was a very dark basement. And so Stacy and I were locked in there while they did what they were doing, which was I guess cleanup. And I was really crying and screaming, and Stacy was holding her hand over my mouth, and I don't know how long later, but we were let out of the basement, and there was a semi-translucent plastic biohazard tub, like wastebasket. I don't know if do you know what those like they're it's like the biohazard like trash cans and there was plastic under it. And they were like they were proud of what they had done. And we were like, what's in there, you know? And I remember them just saying, don't lean over if you if you get your head in there, you'll get your face burned with lye, with acid. So they I would I believe, and I didn't see that I could recall, but like was that they had chopped up the body parts and put lye or acid to break it down. And I'm pretty sure that this woman buried bones in her yard. I'm like, I should give the address to the police, it's on McGurk Street in East Hampton, but I just I don't want to chase that rabbit hole. I don't want to look crazy.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

And there's I mean, Madison's testimony is you know, says everything. She did do all of that and nothing was done. So you put yourself still at risk and you put a target on your back by pursuing that if nothing happens.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

Yeah. And I have reported a lot of these people to the FBI and the police. So I didn't report this new memory, but I've reported other things that are screaming flags of that some shit went down.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

And was anything ever done? Any callbacks and nothing.

SPEAKER_01 35:12

And Tina Giles, uh, the first uh police officer, she was like a chief of police that I ever reported anything to, didn't do shit. And then I looked at her walking around in her like fancy sneakers on her, you know, retirement. Uh, and I just shook my head at her. I was like, mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

Yeah. How old were you when this memory happened?

SPEAKER_01 35:47

Um, so again, I stopped going to Sharon at about eight or nine. So I'm thinking this memory is at six or seven.

SPEAKER_00 35:59

Oh my gosh. And just like walking through that with you and you that young feeling guilt of, oh my gosh, this could be my fault that this happened. I mean, what a thing to contend with at such a young age where you should be outside playing and, you know, going to school and doing your simple little homework and playing on the playground and doing, you know, little sports. And it's just so sad to think about the, you know, the double binds that they put you in. There's no how you said you knew that that that you knew what the end result was gonna be, whether you faked it or not, or you did something, the result was gonna be the same. There was no, there's no choice, there's no way out. No matter what choice you make, the result is always gonna be the same, which is such a horrific thing to put a child through.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

Yeah, the double bind, right? Isn't that that's a double bind? It's like no matter what you do, you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. It's a hopeless situation when you're in that level of trauma, you know, amongst psychopaths. And um I do have a message, I don't know, because now I'm getting angry. Uh that's like I said, my freshest memory. So, you know, to all of the people that are on this trajectory as perpetrators and part of this system, you guys are fucking losers.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

Straight up.

SPEAKER_01 37:31

You guys are fucking losers. And the light always wins. It's like the house always wins, the light will always win, really. So you're on the wrong side, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:48

Yeah, and we tend to not us, but when people talk about when you see online people posting about this group of people that partake in this, they call them things like elites, and there's almost like this fear messaging around it. And it's like, sure, they do they do evil things, and like these people are not good people, but they're literally hurting kids, like these are cowards, are losers, they hurt. Total cowards, and then they keep it secret, they can't even like own up to what they do. They have to gaslight and hide and create secrets and lies, like they are, they're losers, they're cowards.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

Yeah, it's embarrassing for them. I mean, I I'm wondering, I don't know. Like, I'm even looking at some of the celebrities that are like out on the red carpet with literal, like like walking on the blood of children, like over the bodies. That's how they a lot of them got to, you know, this A-list level. Um, and I'm just like, are you embarrassed? Like, are you humiliated? Like, you must be humiliated and you must feel if you have any kind of integrity, and I and we'll we, you know, we'll go into this, but like, you know, when I was offered certain things um as a child, I remember thinking, but that's cheating. Like that's oh, so I could get there, I could be a star, I can get these things. Um we haven't gone into that part of my story yet. I can get those things, but it's like not really real. I didn't get to it the right way.

unknown 39:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:34

And just like my child mind going, oh, that's like cheating.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

No, you're so right. Whenever you it's almost like taking steroids to get fit, you know, like it'll give you a result, but you didn't have to work for it the same way that other people do. And yeah, that can't feel good if somebody has. And I know a lot of these people are programmed, and we'll talk about journey going through that. So yes, they are these people through hell anyways. But yeah, like at some point you can start to get memories, um, you know, and at some point programming breaks down a little bit, and whether or not these people can get out of it, you know, ultimately, like at some point, everybody has a choice on how they perceive things, and it is really sad that so many people keep, like you said, walking on bodies to get fame, and you know, they're dragging blood behind them on the trail of their dresses on these red carpets. I mean, it's the carpet's red, right?

SPEAKER_01 40:30

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Um, I have a friend who's really into fashion and um also has gone through some things with the Order of the Golden Dawn and um just you know, some also was groomed in some things. And he went very anti-fashioned uh and was doing all these postings of the red carpet, but like showing like Beyoncé on the carpet with like literal like dead children underneath, like I don't know, superimposing, probably they were AI or like, and I was like, oh my god. Um I what I do want to say is that I have some compassion for those that made the right the wrong choice and then just kept making the wrong choice because they were already in too deep, and then those series of wrong choices became that they're just uh entrenched, they just are flooded and and so guilt-ridden that they can't even like begin to see out.

SPEAKER_00 42:00

Yes, I do too. When I first started waking up to all this, one of the things that I found first was all this gossip about celebrities and Illuminati and butterfly symbols on celebrities, and I was posting a lot of that. Yeah, and once I like really stood back and like thought about it, I'm like, I'm just re-exploiting these people. Like, yeah, are some of them probably choosing to be there despite waking up and being able to leave? Yeah, you know, that that's a choice that a lot of people make, but it doesn't erase the fact that they didn't choose to be born into that, that's that they were abused and betrayed by people that should have been protecting them. They were so off into this either way, and were getting an unfair advantage to begin with, you know. And so I do have compassion for people, but at the same time, it's like, man, like how amazing it would be if one of these celebrities would actually break out and whistleblow, you know, just one of them. Instead, it's it's the people we're gonna talk about your journey, you know, that that rebelled against it the whole time that they were being pushed into it. And that's one thing I mentioned on your last testimony, you know, your testimony has so many different layers that are interconnected and that you've been able to put together in a way that makes sense and overlaps a lot of other testimonies. Yeah, we talked about a lot of the cult stuff, which is a big part, it's a it's a layer of this. It creates trauma, it creates these double binds, it creates a lot of the um emotional instability in a child and the you know the betrayal and the trauma bonds, and I mean, just so much. There's so many different things that these satanic rituals and these you know sacrifices and these horrific things that they put you through do. But another layer to that is at the same time while you're going through these different you know, trainings and rituals and trauma events, they're also grooming you for a position later in your life that they see fit for you. And they I'm sure there's you know different ways that they figure out who goes into what. Maybe we can talk about that. But your journey is you know, they wanted you in entertainment, you were being primed to. Be one of these, you know, stars walking down the red carpet. And so, do you want to maybe talk about how that started for you or how you were chosen for that?

SPEAKER_01 44:09

Yes, I um so I think in the last interview I had mentioned I uh that the remote viewing program, the Stargate that I was a part of, had kind of come to a halt because of some of the exercises they were running, which had to do with the psychic spy stuff, which when if you really become like a psychic spy operative, you need to be able to one, keep secret secrets really well, um, pass messages, not engage in certain ways that are too vulnerable or open. And I had failed some of those exercises, not on the level of not being psychic enough, but about um with passing notes and not speaking, they would try a lot of intercept interception of like, well, let's try to hand her some candy and like see if she'll take the candy or if we tell her not to talk. Um, you know, will she really hold to that when someone's right in her face saying, you know, just the right things to get her to talk? And that's where I failed. And they said she can't do this work. Um just I as I had also failed uh some of the exercises in creating like like like serious assassins beyond what I went through in in these um you know private rituals, I was not an assassin that could just like kill in a cold-hearted way and turn everything off. Um, and so that just wasn't, you know, that wasn't uh my strong suit. And and because they had laid so much programming in me, they had invested so much in me and had, as I had said before, paid paid for my private school for a few years, they thought she might be good for entertainment, and that's when they started kind of luring me with the idea of being a mousketeer and Disney and all of these things that you know. I mean, every kid wants to go to Disney World, and I remember there the my handlers being involved in grooming my family into thinking this was again good for my future and a uh a future possibility, and paying for our trip to Disney World, and actually like having a schedule set up there. And I remember they put us up in a Howard Johnson in uh at Disney World, which like I've actually tried to look at some of the uh locations that I could have been in the 80s around Orlando. Um, and there was one I found that I remember being there, and I remember they had us kind of on some of those like private cars that that like uh take you around Disney World. And this is where I do remember meeting some of the children that did end up going on to have very big careers. Um, and so and I hesitate to even bring up some of the bigger names because it becomes uh, I mean, I don't know. I it can seem to go a little bit on the mainstream level of conspiracy theories, but the way I've recalled uh some of these kids was very organic, and it was before this was all very public. Some of my first MK Ultra memories that came up in 2013 were about um being groomed for a Disney, and and so I've you know I've really had to put all my pieces together carefully, um but when I was taken to Disney World, I was supposed to do an audition like to be a mousketeer, and I was so shy, and I believe it was in front of Michael Eisner, who was the CEO of Disney at the time, who I definitely was around. Um, and I believe he's a very high or was, I don't know if he's alive or dead. Uh I believe he's a very high-level handler. Um and there's enough people that have come forward about Disney that it's like the cat's out of the bag uh about Disney. Um I just remember I wanted the ears, uh, and I kind of was too shy to do the audition that I was like, I had like several lines I was supposed to say it as like a I think it was a Disney commercial audition kind of thing, but it was also gonna determine whether I could be this mousketeer and I wouldn't do the audition, and it was private audition. And he was like, that's okay, like you can still have the ears. And I remember my parents being really disappointed. That's something I've had to deal with my whole life is the disappointment of my parents on so many levels, where I think they their hearts were in the right place, but they were misguided by some very evil people. And I remember like uh during this one Disney trip that I'm recalling, we went on the Matter horn, the Matterhorn or the Matterhorn ride. It's like a uh it's a cave ride roller coaster. It doesn't go upside down, but it's very swervy and scary. Uh, and that felt kind of traumatizing to me. I also remember having my picture taken with um the those chipmunks, Alvin and the chipmunks, is it? Yeah, uh uh, right? The so the the live versions of them, like you know, the people. And I remember one of them holding me really tight and feeling really uncomfortable. I had a lot of attachment to my mother and always fear of being taken away. Always um, yeah, and so I I was like dissociating in that photo um and just afraid the whole time that I just knew there were, you know, because I had two handlers there that were like on me and my parents, and they were also like trying to get me alone, and they were getting me alone. I have memories of um being at FCOP Center and getting brought into an alone space where I believe some programming happened, though I don't have all the memories of that. Um and I do have one really uh visceral memory of uh being on the uh it's a small world ride. Is that what it's called? It's smoking, it's a small world after all. Yeah, okay, so that um was a water ride, and I remember sitting on those cars for like probably 20 minutes or so, it not taking off, and then it was like that breakdown scenario that I saw another one of um your speakers talk about, which was, and then we were escorted off the ride and go into some other facility. And I remember being really disappointed, like I just wanted to go on that ride. And I think at some point we did get to see the whole ride, but I do have memory of that where we were we were like loaded off and re and like um escorted somewhere behind like almost felt like a back um like a backstage area something that I believe I went with my whole family. Um I don't have the memories though of that fully um and and then reboarded. I I'm pretty sure I did get to to go on that ride like fully, but just the trauma of what these monsters do to your psyche, it makes everything scary when you're a kid, even the things that are supposed to be fun, and I believe they do that on purpose. I mean, I know they do, yes, yeah, and um another uh another thing I remember was um was this idea of doing some local talent things. Uh like my mother was being kind of groomed to take me to some pageants. Again, I was very stage shy. So I did things because there was so I see that there's a lot out there in the conspiracy world of the mainstream about performers and how spirits come into them and take over the performance. I I know that to be true because I I remember it and I remember being taught about it as a child, and I remember spirits being put into my body, and um knowing that I was not gonna be the full one performing, and knowing that if I forgot my lines, something else was going to take over that was programmed to do that, and this is how stage shy I was. I didn't even trust that, and so uh, but also they tried at one point to kick my soul out of my body, and my angelic guides of light did didn't were not having that, and we're not allowing that, and so there was some somehow co-occurrence allowed to happen through some of my own sins that I was forced to commit that allowed those demonic frequencies to come in, which I've by the way, since delivered, done multiple deliverances with other ministers and people trained to do this exorcisms. Um, but that's a very real thing. And at one point, I was supposed to go on Star Search. I was trained to sing a song called Sunday Sunday Morning Love by Edda James. I remember thinking, why am I singing such an adult song? Because like as a kid, you're not really, it's not very excitable to sing a song like that. You don't even understand what it is, and so you're just doing this adult thing. Um, I had the voice um to do it, and um I was brought to the show. I met that the the the leader, the the the host of that show. Uh it's Ed McMahon, right? That's I remember his face and the glasses, and um I remember the studio and the carpeting in the in the back room that we were in, and I was so nervous. Um, and I told my mother I was nauseous, and she got me somehow she got someone to get us some like saltine crackers, and I was drinking seltzer, but then I literally threw up on the carpet backstage and yeah, and I refused to go on, even though I knew the song, even though the demonic frequencies would come in and help me remember things or take over and carry that performance. Um, I uh disappointed my mother again and uh and and refused to go on. And who I believe went on was Christina Aguilera. Um, and she slayed the song and she sang it and she wore the costume I was supposed to wear. And I what I'm think what I understand or gather is that there was some kind of understudy thing set up with that show, and she was a little younger than me, um, like by one or two years. And what I remember was after the fact, my handlers said we would we still we still want to invest in you, but you have to want this, and if you're not gonna take this um seriously, like it was like they almost had a little humanity for the stage fright, but they were like this is what we're offering you, and we can make you a triple threat, and you can have the best of the best of the best, you can have the best of everything, which honestly, how can you have the best uh of everything when you've had the worst? You know, um, and I just remember looking at this little girl who looked like just a little compliant girl, and that was her. Uh and I said, I was like, I don't I don't know if I want it. I was like, I want to talk more with my family. Like at a certain point for things like performance, you have to kind of be into it and be compliant, and like you can't just keep like you know bowing out and you know, or chickening out, and um and they said, well, then she'll take it and she'll have you know, we'll we'll just put it into her. And okay. And I just like I saw that she was way more like controlled and willing to go along. And my sense too was that she might have had more financial pressure from her mother or parents than maybe I did, because I I there was that pressure with my family, but I think it was ultimately they just wanted me to be good at something and you know kind of have a future for something direction. Now I I believe that I don't know why with that memory I see a contract uh that was like supposed to be signed or formed at that time, and it's it's very layered for me with you know in um uh Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, when yeah, like the the original, like Gene Wilder, uh is that his name? Gene Wilder, yeah, uh version. When he has all the kids sign the contracts with their parents, I believe that that is probably even an intentional programming in there because there's something where my mind layers the memory of that contract with um with that with that movie where I would get very triv triggered and kind of like brought into the memory of my own um contract uh signing, um, which would have you know, which there there likely was a contract with that show, even with your mother signing you, you know, but I think there's there's spiritual component components there that I felt as a child, even if it didn't literally so say, like, you know, you belong to the devil, or you know, um and now I I would like to uh jump a little forward into so when I when I like also failed out of that and kind of opted out, and I actually then went to my parents and said, for as much as I wanted to be a singer and a performer and a dancer and all these things and an actress, um I to me that meant danger at that point in time because of what had been happening to me. And so that ruined my dream at that moment. Um and I said to my parents, I don't want this. Like I I just want like a normal like childhood where I can like play and not like be held to all these things that these people want from me. And pressure, so much pressure on so many levels. And what I remember is basically being what is the word?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:19

It's like uh uh when you're you're being like it's like they like transitioning you transitioned out, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:30

Um, and what they did was they did some programming that I watched with my father especially, where they were like making him forget, uh and they were wiping my memory cle you know clean, which they did a lot with the electroshocking ones. And then I became aware at that point that they were gonna use me for whatever they wanted to use me for whenever they needed. And that's when there's there are things that happen when I was 13, 14, where I remember once being in my uh, it was my English teacher who, and I was in public school at this time, and it was after school, and somehow I was called into her classroom. The little window at the door was covered up, the door was locked, and there was a man there that was like her boyfriend handler, and we acted out some kind of sexual fetish where I went under the name Sylvester. Um that was one of my sexual parts that was more male. And they had her in like these, I don't know, like a garter belt, and it wasn't not full contact, but it was still sexualized. Uh, it was some kind of intimacy. And uh and I was under a program, I was under one of the beta sex kitten programs. Um and I have another memory where I was collecting UNICEF money during Halloween, I want to say. So I was like trick-or-treating for candy. I had my UNICEF box, and someone had programmed me under the UNICEF, it kind of looks like a carton the way they used to be. There was a separate thing underneath the UNIF box where I was collecting drug money and I was delivering. I know that sounds crazy, but that's what I remember, and I was electro-shocked, and my memory was wiped clean there too. I was literally delivering some drugs. I walked into some really shady houses out in Long Island in in East Hampton where I was not comfortable, but they knew why I was there, and I was like doing something operatively that I don't I don't fully understand, but except that it was drugs. I know. So there was that.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:31

Um yeah, it's like they they turn things that are so benign into evil. Like who would ever suspect a child with a trick-or-treat bag could be collecting money or or distributing drugs? It would just look from the outside like you're getting candy and walking away. You know, it wouldn't raise any alarms for anybody.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:53

That's right. Yes, and uh there was one house I remember going into with this man, and he it was so scary, and he like made me come inside, and I was just standing there, and it was just skeevy, you know. Um and then yeah, I remember getting my memory wiped, and they just took my money. They took that money. I I kept my my trick-or-treat, you know, my candies, and I had my normal UNICEF money that was in the main carton part, and they just took the money from the underneath compartment. I know it's like to me, it's actually a little insane, but especially Halloween too, a high occult ritual night too.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:44

So, I mean, again, the layers, you know, the inversions and the layers that they do.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:49

Yes, yes, and I even think, and I just want to say, yeah, um, there's another thing that even people that have not been through SRA, um they have been inundated, as we know, with occultism and Satanism also in in growing up in this country. And um there's just I had this whole affinity for horror movies as a kid um because of this, you know? And um I remember a friend and I once toilet papered a graveyard on Halloween. I know, and and like to do something, I we we were young, we just thought we were being like cool teenagers. We were 14, and it's funny as a it's not funny, but as an ad as adults, I've spoken to that uh friend, and we were like, oh my God, like she was like, I think we picked up attachments, um, you know, like entities from that experience. And I was like, yeah, like that makes sense. It's like to not know that that's not okay on so many levels, even like spirit, you know, especially spiritual levels, uh all of it, um it just shows how depraved not only what was done to me, but just how desensitized and like haunted we are as a society by you know with I don't celebrate Halloween anymore, by the way. Um, but yeah. Um, but yeah, like what were we thinking?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:48

Yeah, and um they've normalized all that so much, and people don't know the history of things. We just are born into like, oh, you just go trigger trading on Halloween, and we don't question it, we just robotically go along with it our whole life and then bark in it and never question, like, wait, what is the meaning behind this holiday and why are we doing this?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:08

You know, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:11

That's whenever it starts to be like, wait a minute, there's something wrong here, but it's so normalized, like we don't even question it, it's just something that you just do.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:18

Yeah, and and like as an energetically sensitive person, like you can feel on Halloween that there's a danger brewing in the air. Like I've felt it every Halloween, even when I was dressing up and and going and hanging with my friends. Um, there's just an uh not, you know, there's there's something wrong. There's something off-putting energetically. And um I'd like to say I'd like to also speak to if it's okay, like the later years of still being accessed. Um and how it actually still did relate to entertainment, um, where, you know, more behind the the scenes and how traumatizing that was also.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:26

Absolutely. I want to just comment real quick that I yeah, I love how rebellious your spirit always was, even if consciously you didn't know why these things were making you nauseous or that you didn't want to do it. There was like a part of you intuitively that they couldn't break enough for you to comply, like it just never sat well with you, no matter. And we're gonna share one of your songs later, but for people listening, like you are an amazing singer and songwriter, like you are you have an incredibly beautiful, amazing voice and a talent and a gift. Like you are, you could have been easily a Christina Aguilera, you know. So it's like if people actually hear and like listen to your music, and like I said, we'll we'll showcase it later, but like you absolutely were somebody that easily could have been primed for the the stars that you know people like me grew up with in that same era. And you know, it's just amazing to me that it just never you always somehow like rebelled against it, even if it wasn't you purposely doing it, just getting nauseous and throwing up and like crap, I can't do it. I just think it's badass that you always knew somehow they couldn't ever break you and like take that from you.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:38

Oh, thank you. Yeah, I that's a good reminder because I see it more like I wimped out, like I wasn't strong enough. No. Um, and the ironic thing about you know, sharing this about some of these pop stars is that I never was into pop music like as a as a teenager. I remember when Brittany Spears and Christina Aguilera's music surfaced. I remember watching, I think like Genie in a bottle or something, and and like dissociating hardcore, which by the way, genie in a bottle is also a programming, an MK Ultra tool of think of a genie in a bottle at something that goes inside. So it's a very good like hiding tool, and they're accessing that, I believe, in the programming in the lyrics. But I remember just I I hadn't remembered that original memory of the of the groom, the Disney grooming stuff and the and the Star Search part. And and so I was just dissociating, like I I could feel her dissociation. I knew something was wrong. And then also on a level of just, you know, I was always with like the freaks that were um really into like more grunge movement, and so we were the anti of any of that music, like it would be embarrassing to even um admit that you listen to anything like that. So I just didn't though. Um, and so I have no reason to claim it, except in this in this organic way that I remembered. And I I want to say one more thing to that, which is in 2010, when my first memories of sexual abuse surfaced, and I had to go to a rehab called the Meadows in Arizona. Um my therapist called me while I was at the airport and I on the way there, and I I had had a memory, uh not a memory, well, a dream memory or something. Um the night the night prior to flying there, and I was a mess. I was my whole system was breaking down. I was going through an MK Ultra broke uh breakdown. Um and at 31 years old, which is about the the that age, you know, the age that that will happen. And um, and I yeah, was I about I'm like trying to think of my age about that. Uh and I told my therapist, I said this is really weird, but I had a dream that I was in this um like private carpeted therapy space, and Brittany Spears was there crying and breaking down, and I was there with her, and we were hugging in this group of like five women, and everyone was just comforting us, and there was this symbiotic, I don't know, like we were um we were like going through trauma remembrance, and so I said, I think she's gonna, I thought it was a prop prophetic vision of like that maybe she's gonna be at this rehab. I didn't understand it, and I didn't know any of the things that are now out about the programming of the pop stars and the, you know, I didn't, I just didn't know. And so, and my therapist was like, wow, well, yeah, maybe she will be. And I thought nothing of it until three years later I started to recall the actual MK Ultra programming part of it and the other things that I've shared. So, yeah. And my my it just my hope in sharing this is just that it it helps again put more fill in more blanks. That that's all we can really do is like as survivors is heal ourselves and and share and fill it in for for others.

unknown 1:19:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:27

And it's important we do that, especially her of all people. I mean, how horrific she's been treated, and how many people are stepping back and saying, wait, what is what's going on behind the scenes? What did this girl go through to be acting this way or to be acting out or shaving her head or whatever it is, you know? To judge the side effects of things without saying, well, what's the root cause of this? And I appreciate you, you know, sharing a different side that you know the public doesn't see of her and others. It it does, it helps us be able to take that step back and look at things with a different perspective and lens.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:04

Yeah, and this is so weird, but um, so like I remember being around her a little as a kid, but more in like peripherally, like we met in the Disney circle. I think at Disney World I met her there and her parents, but I you know, I wasn't and then I have a later memory which you have that photo of, and that's of and that could have been possibly even a clone body, because I know that they always threatened to do clones of the kids.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:37

You want me to bring you but what you want me to bring the photo up?

SPEAKER_01 1:20:42

Oh, sure, yeah. I mean, so I'm sitting in the back corner in all white wearing what they said should be an urban outfit, and at that time it was like kind of just the start of like hip-hop getting, you know, big. And um, and I'm wearing these platforms that I bought in London because I lived there abroad for a year in school, and they had me sitting behind her, from what I understand, to hold psychic space for her and project emotions and just like basically I don't know, it's like the like project energy, give all the supportive energy. But I felt ignored, I was very quiet, people were not really talking to me, and I was deeply under mind control there.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:43

And was this during this was the oops, I did it again video.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:46

That's oops, I did it again, which um I also have some understandings about the writing of that song. I'm not gonna say that I even helped to write the song, but I feel like there were some emotional channelings into it. Um and uh and she wasn't that nice to me. Um there. I would say when I met her as a kid, she was nicer. Um there was one thing that I had a chance to do, which was I was a gymnast, and she was supposed to do a flip over like a it's like a flip over a bar or like she tumbles, and I was an actual gymnast, so I was trying to show her some of that, but I felt like I don't know how to like really express I really felt like what was being instilled in me from these handlers was that I wasn't really needed, I was kind of useless to them, and I I think that was just a a position of of like depowering someone or just making them feel expendable or disposable.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:14

Yes. Thank you for sharing this. Everybody, you know, this video was like so iconic, and of course everybody knows who Brittany Spears is.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:24

It's it's interesting to do you see how I'm clutching?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:28

I'm like, I I'm just like yes, so no, I'm gonna zoom in just a little bit so people can see it a little bit better. Yeah. And so what it was it more to like give her energy, like um how you were saying there were forces that were guiding you through performances, were you sort of channeling that into her performance, creating the video?

SPEAKER_01 1:23:55

No, I think she has her own system of that that they've sure inundated her with and programmed her with. But I think on a video shoot where she's doing so much, both singing, dancing, like doing all her stuff, I think she just needed some, it's gonna sound weird, but emotional psychic support. So I would drain myself to okay, so like if you understand, like I'm thinking of that cartoon, like the care bears or something, when the when the light comes out of their belly, or it's almost like that's how energy transference works and healing, like actual pranic healers or energy healers, is they well, if they're doing it from the source of God, it's coming through them from like divine holy father, mother to someone, and I believe in that level of miracle healing and energizing. But what this felt like for me was just depleting myself to give it to someone else.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:14

Help her get through her performance with your your light, basically, your training your light and giving that to her.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:21

Yes, and again, she had her own light as well. It's just that when you're doing so many things under that level of pressure and performance to have someone come and hold space, and this was something I I had to figure out by remembering being there and then asking my I have a a friend who's also like a shaman. Like, why was I there? What was I doing there? And that and then he was talking about the whole thing's psychic space, the energetic space. Um I know this stuff is wild, I really do.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:04

And um I remember um I just want to say I remember being young when MTV was a thing, and I'm pretty sure this specific video, they used to have like a behind-the-scenes making the video show on MTV where they show you like you know the three intense days that it took to make a music video, and that was one video, and I remember watching that multiple times, and they would say how many hours she was performing a day, and I think for some of her videos, I don't remember that one exactly, but there were times it was almost like 24 hours straight, you know, she'd barely sleep, and it would just be like three days straight of like dancing and singing and performing. And I remember thinking, like, how does somebody do that?

SPEAKER_01 1:26:49

Yeah, but I mean what you're saying it helps paint a bigger picture that there's there's ways that they're having people do these things that intense and and to corroborate my memory with this, I reached out to Nigel Dick, who was the director of that music video. Being like, why was I here? Why am I in this picture? Like, this is what I remember. And he was such an asshole to me. You know, it these people just they're compliant in one way or another, whether they're programmed into it or they fully know and are complicit. Um, he just was he just brushed, I spoke to him like directly on DM. Um, and he was just like, you know, I've met so many people over the years, like, don't be surprised if I don't remember you. Like, like just like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:47

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:48

Yeah. What I also wanted to go into if I can, if that unless it's too fast of a transition. Later on in my life, I moved to New York City at age twenty, and I was working in fashion. I worked first for a vintage clothing store on West Broadway called uh what comes around goes around. What goes around comes around. Um very expensive high-end vintage clothing that a lot of celebrities would shop in. Like uh everyone under the sun. Uh and it was fun. I mean, I just worked there as like a shop girl, and I then that summer I I was shopping at a flea market and I was picking uh all the clothing that this designer Jill Stewart liked. Um, she's also quite a well-known designer in New York City, and uh I worked for her, she hired me on the spot and and and asked me to come to work for her as her design inspiration, vintage buyer, that kind of thing. And I worked for her for like really half of a year because she was it's very hard to, I mean, I worked on Seventh Avenue, like uh, and it was not easy, it was not an easy job, but I learned a lot there, and there was a fashion party that I attended there, and I I still always wanted to be a singer, that's the funny thing about all of it. So at 20, and I was just going, I want to be a singer though, like I I like this, you know, I like um art and fashion and like visual beauty, but I really just always wanted to sing my heart out. And um I went to this party and I was talking to this Australian guy, and he told me he was a music manager, and I was like, Oh, I've been wanting to be a singer, and we just were talking, and he said, but you're like a spiritual channel, you should be a ghostwriter, yeah. And I didn't even know what that he's like, do you know what that is? And I was like, No, like I don't. It was making it was reminding me of like, isn't there a show called Ghostwriter or like uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:58

Anyway, I um what I said there was, I think it was like a a kid show.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:04

Okay, oh yeah, the kids show, yes. Um, and so yeah, he explained to me that he had a new artist um who he was gonna be promoting and working with, and she had an almost complete album, but needed a really good ballad, and maybe I should join the team to kind of channel some stuff and help them write. So this is a real-time memory that happened to me in this body. Um, and the only corroboration I really had have with it is my ex-boyfriend knew that I got hired into this ghostwriter job. Oh, sorry. Um, and so I was flown by him, this manager, and the the artist he was uh representing was Pink. So Alicia Moore, and no one really knew about her at the time. And he so I'm about to tell uh like quite a story here that will I think also fill in some missing pieces about like how things happen in music industry and in selling your soul and that kind of stuff. So I just again I had dissociated in my entire childhood whether this network knew about me on some level, whether this manager even, whether it's a spiritual network that just you just keep attracting the same kinds of experiences and people, it can it can be that as well. Um I went home, told my boyfriend, who was a very talented drum and bass DJ and MC, actually, that I had met in Phoenix, Phoenix, Arizona. We had lived together like for like half a year before we moved to New York City in Tempe, Arizona. Um, and I went home to tell him that I just got hired as a ghostwriter for like some pop album. And he was so jealous because he was like, what do you know about any of this kind of thing? And you know, I was like, Yeah, but I'm gonna take it, you know. I I remember, you know, over-preparing, like I brought my special notebook for this, even though that was not needed. They were gonna, you know, direct me. I was flown to, I was put up in a in a Marriott in LA. I was flown to LA, um, and I met with the her team, Pink's team, at Gold Star Studios in, I believe it's downtown LA. And I don't know that it's a studio anymore, but it was Phil Spector's studio. Um, yeah, Phil Spector, who's now deceased and was also accused of killing that actress Lana Clarkson. Um, and I met, I remember meeting um Linda Perry from the Four Non Blondes, who at that point had left her band and was on the independent writer side. I met uh LA Reed and um Phil Spector and his partner, who I think the guy's name was David Silver. I think that's his name. But they were both the co-owners of Gold Star where the writing session and recording was being hosted. Um and I spent a few days in in that studio with them. I mean, you know, like I went back to the hotel to sleep, but we were in writing session, and what they did was they asked me to, they needed a ballad, they wanted to express pink's um traumatic uh trauma with her family, her toxic family stuff. And also, from what I'm remembering is that she was a runaway at 15 and she had a meth addiction or something. And from what I know about MK Ultra too, is I feel like they picked her up. Like she was either born into it or picked up like at 15. Um, very talented, very nice to me. Um, was showing me all of her tattoos. We were I was sitting on the floor, she was sitting on the chair, and we were just talking, and she had like these dog tags that were like military. And I just remember feeling that I was in another world, a little out of my element. Um, that like this was a fast-paced girl that had like in a way lived more than me, is what I felt at the time. Well, partially because I'd blocked a lot of my things, so she just seemed like a badass to me. Um and what so Linda Perry and LA Reed mostly were prompting me, asking me, like, what's the most significant thing that has ever happened to you? And at the time of what I could remember, it was my back surgery that I had had when I was 16. I had I had been a competitive gymnast, I developed a really severe scoliosis, um, and I ended up having a surgery where they put two Harrington rods into my back, fused my spine using bone from the back of my hip. And then one year later, I got those rods all removed. And um I shared the story of that, and they used it as a metaphor for the song Just Like a Pill. And yeah, yes, I mean, I can tell you every line uh and why we wrote it um because of the prompting, uh, because they pulled the story out of me, and so it was um to have back surgery, it's a really invasive surgery. The first one was like a 12-hour surgery, the second one was a five-hour surgery for the removal. And on the second one, I actually felt like, why did I put myself through this? And I remember asking my mom post-surgery to kill me. Um, because I just was in such pain. You can't breathe. You're it's like the wind is knocked out of you in a way that you can't, it's it's it's really intense. Um, and so I shared all of that, and I shared about how um at one point uh I'm I'm gonna slow down a little because I can see I'm getting like of course, take your time. Yeah, I was like rushing the story. Um so I told them about how uh I couldn't move for a few months. Like I was on my back in the hospital. I was there for about three weeks. I was always a fast healer, so it was early for me to leave, but I had to just be on my back a lot, and I didn't have control of anything because I had a breathing machine, I had a pain, you know, injection or IV where I could press the button and administer more, but only a certain level, and then, you know, like for that amount of time, and then um, and my mom was with me by my side really the whole time, but the morphine made my skin so itchy that I was having my mother um take like I think like a pencil or chopsticks and like okay, so they had these like inflating kind of balloons like they're like water wings, but they inflate, you know, to keep your legs circulating. And so I was asking my mom to like scratch in into the leg that I because I couldn't reach anything, and the morphine makes your skin so itchy. So in the line, there's a line in in just like a pill where she says, um, so there's a line where she says, I can't stay on your morphine, there's a shortage in the switch. I can't stay on your oh sorry, no, I can't stand your life support, there's a shortage in the switch. I can't stand your morphine, it's making me itch. And then, yeah, this is from what me telling my experience. And I said, um, and then I said to her, like, and there were times where I would like press the bell for the nurse and she wouldn't come when I needed her, and I was like having trouble breathing or needed like more. They had me in an intensive care at one point because the breathing thing was I would get anxious, couldn't breathe, the beeping would go off, and that kind of thing. And when I when I told that part to Alicia, I was like, you know, sometimes she wouldn't come when I needed her. And she was like, oh, she was being a little bitch. And I was like, no, no, she was nice. And she's like, we're putting it in. It, you know, it rhymes, like we're putting it in. So it's uh, you know, I I can't stay, I can't stay on your um life support. There's a shortage in the switch. I can't stay on your morphine, it's making me itch. I tried to call the nurse again, but she's being a little bitch. I think I'll get out of here where I can run as fast as I can to the middle of nowhere. Now they they they will when they write a song like this to get to the heart of the emotionality, they want your your deepest core feelings. And so they were prompting me with the questioning, how did you like feel at that moment? And I was like, I just wanted to run into nowhere, you know. I want it like, you know, where like where would you, if you go to nowhere, like so it's like uh where I can run to the middle of nowhere, or as fast as I can to the middle of nowhere, to the middle of my frustrated fears. And I remember literally them pulling that feeling, the verbalization of that feeling out of me. And I literally said verbatim to the middle of my frustrated fears because what I was feeling at that time was, and I was also talking, by the way, about my own family dynamic and their over-protection of me when I had been a teenager because they they did get overprotective. I wasn't allowed to go to Lollapalooza to see Courtney Love and Sonic Youth and all the things I wanted. They were like, it was like the the childhood stuff made them like close into this other, yeah, go into that other direction. And so there was a control going on between that programming and then the the the strictness, and I was expressing that also in the trauma of the surgery, and yeah, it's a lot, but um when I so I I I corroborated this with my ex-boyfriend, where I said, Do you remember me going to LA to do this? And he's like, I do remember when you left the job with Jill Stewart, or like when you were on the outs with that, you ended up going and doing this, you know, thing. At the at the time, like I was already not wanting to be in fashion when I went to that party. So I don't know that I quit right then and there, but like I went and did this thing. And what I remember next is that um I I said kind of like on a break in in our writing of this. Um I said, I want to be a singer, like I want to be the singer, you know, kind of thing. And Linda Perry was like, can you sing? And I was like, I can. I've done a lot of, you know, trainings in middle school, like NISMA and you know, like singing festivals, Hamptons uh I forgot the name of the festival, but it's a ham Hamptons like singing choir festival. Um, and so I actually just as a gutsy like young person, I sang part a part of what's up to her. Um, I like stood up and sang it, and she said, You have a good instrument, um, you need more vocal training. And when you get that training, if you come back to me, I'll produce you, like in my independent, yeah, um label. Um, but Phil Spector was there because they were observing, they were like in and out because they were hosting it. And Phil said, We can we can like make you a singer. And he looked at David and he kind of was like, Yeah, show her around. And he's like, Yeah, do you want a tour of like the rest of the the studio, our studio? Um, and so I was like, Okay, you know, and I was taken out of that room where you know we were as a team working on that, and I was taken down the corridor. We went into a locked room to the left, like probably other one or two doors down, and when we opened the door, it was all the um it's like the black uh foam flooring for studios, but there was a sigil on it, a big sigil. And um, there was a couple of statues that were making me also kind of have some dissociative memory. Uh, I believe one was the the Baffame uh goat statue. Um and there was an original record press there, which they said was like one of four in the country. Jack White has one of them at his place in Nashville. Uh uh, what is the name of his student? It doesn't matter. Uh oh, third Third Man Records. He has one too, where the music gets pressed right onto the vinyl. And um, and they they they were like, We have we have one of these. And they said, What we do is we have um we all of our artists that we work with, well, first they started talking about are you open uh to new things spiritually? What what's your religion? Uh and I said, Well, I was raised Jewish, but I'm uh at that time I was like, I'm just into yoga and meditation. That's what I was into. And they're like, so but you're open to uh new ideas, new, you know, new spiritual ideologies. And I was like, yeah, you know. Um and they started kind of going into like, so we have um, you know, when our any artist we work with, it goes on to this master, we do prayers and thing rituals with the moon, with the full moon, and and they were like started to explain things like that, like occult things, which sounded kind of just at that moment I wasn't fully connecting, but I was dissociating enough um that I was uncomfortable with the energy. And and they explained that they assign like spirit spiritual like principalities onto the onto the vinyl to make it do well with the public and to make it sell. They do full moon rituals and things, and then they said, you know, um. If we were to give you this opportunity, which we can, we can make you a pop star in like six weeks to two months. Um and they were like, we can make you a triple threat, dancing, singing, acting. Well, we can pay for all your training. Like we can get you shaped up. But if we were to do this, it would take a lot of sacrifice. Would you be willing to sacrifice? And at that time, I'm like, I feel like I'm just on a job interview. Like I just, you know, like the way I interview for a retail clothing store or a fashion job, you know, and I I I'm thinking like weekend, you know, sacrifice weekends with friends. And so I said, Yeah, well, I'd be willing to work really hard for you. And I'm kind of giving these dogmatic answers. And um, and they said, Is there anyone you have close to you that you'd be willing to let go of? That's the kind of sacrifice that we require. And I'm thinking, like, not my parents, you know, like that's already like hitting something for me. And I'm uh, and I'm thinking, like, anyone close to me? And they were like preferably blood related, but someone that you're like invested in emotionally. Um, and I started like thinking, like, let go of, like, stop the friendship. Or um I was like, well, I have like some cousins, I have um, I'm like actually going through this in my mind. Um and I thought of at that moment a friend of me that that I had had kind of been in my group of friends that I was close with at a point, but then she kind of turned against me a little bit and just was wasn't being very nice. Um and I said her name, I'm not gonna say it here. Uh, I said her name, and they said, um, where does she live? What are her habits? And and I was like, Well, she lives in Montauk. And they were like, so we would need her address, her sort of general schedule, which we'd need you to kind of invest in finding out. And I was like, What are we talking about here? Like, I'm thinking all these, like, um, and I said, 'Are you talking about like like killing her? And and they're like, 'Oh, you know, like they're like, 'Oh, you know, we don't do anything like that.' And they're like, but if we did, I forget the wording that they use, but they said, anyone that would like disappear, your friend or anyone is like, we have someone else do that. And and I literally was like, they're talking about taking my friend out. And I literally was like, I want what they're offering me. I really want it. And I had the literal angel devil thing, you know, the shoulder, the like one on one shoulder. And I'm going, like, I want what they're offering, like, pretty badly. Um, and I just like my light angels are going, you better not. And um, and I said, Well, what if I say yes, but then I change my mind. And they're like, nope, once you commit, and like, once something's like that is done, or you sign a contract, like it's done. Like, you can't go back. And I I just was like, I don't, yeah, I don't know. I don't think so. Like, I don't think, I don't think I want to, I can do that. Um, and immediately they just went, oh, she's not into it. And they just like whisked me out of that room so fast. They like they literally pulled me out the door. They're like, let's go, honey. Um, they were like, uh, don't worry, you're a dime a dozen. There's plenty of others that that take it. And that was it. And they pulled me out of the room, back through the corridor, back into the writing room where everyone just was like as if nothing had happened. Because they probably knew the team probably kind of had an idea, but like it was a private conversation. Um and this part, I'm I I've really worked on not blaming myself uh for what then transpired after this, which is that um we we finished that session, but there was also negotiation that happened where they were like, How much do you think you should be paid for this? Because they were like, we need to negotiate like what you get paid as an independent writer on this. Um it was they were like, and they were kind of making fun of me being a a novice at this, you know, industry. And so they're like, what do you think you should make? And by this time, Pink was not even there. Uh like she was gone. And it was more the writers like talking about the splits. And I said, uh, I don't know, like a million dollars, you know, because I knew I was like in this, like I had just arrived at this pop industry opportunity. So I don't know what it generates. And I said a million dollars, and they laughed at me and they were like, haha, you don't know how this industry works. Like, there's so much money we put into the promotion of this, and you know, it's not like that. They decided that the fair split should be 15 percent, 30 percent for me and Linda Perry on the independent side. And then I was excited, like, what will I have my name be? Linda said, Well, you're not necessarily like trying to be a ghostwriter as a career, like committed to this. So I think your name should be silent. And she cut me, she like kind of honestly, it's pretty shitty. She she got me to like somehow be okay with having my name be silent as the on the independent writing. I know it's very sad, and these are these are stories I hear I've heard from other musicians that are just like, yep, like it's so normal in the industry, the song, the heartbreak of the song stealing or the credit stuff. Um again, I don't like to just be a victim here, but it's it's it's not it's not uh it's not kosher. Um and what was decided upon was 15 on my side, but no name, and 15 for Linda Perry, and and then everyone else taking their cut, the 70, however they split, and gold star taking its house whatever fee. And um and then uh this is so embarrassing, but because of how young I was, and because my parents still controlled my finances and my banking, I didn't even like know how to accept a check, uh like and deposit a check. And so I wanted cash. I wanted to go shopping in LA. Okay. Um, and I wanted cash, so I was willing to take less money for the cash. And I mean, they were like, I think they were just looking at each other like, okay, this is like a kid, you know. Um, and they did agree to that like amount, and I think I settled for less, which I'm not remembering the exact nominal fee, like the exact um, and then I ended up needing, like I didn't need, but I was offered a ride back uh to my to the Marriott that I was staying at by Phil Spector. And what I remember was Linda was gonna give me a ride, and she said something like, um, but but you know, you like taking advantage of young girls, and she said it kind of playfully, like, oh, but you kind of have an uh and I was so at that point really um not not knowing my own trauma and not understanding like fully sexual assault and just not being aware of it in the forefront. And he said a trigger MK Ultra word, like he said, Oh, she'll be fine, won't you, my little butterfly? And I kind of went into a bit of a dissociation of more docile, and I was like, Oh, yeah, it's okay. And then that session ended. We were we left the um office, and there was, you know, those those parking lots that have tiers to them, like yeah, like concrete. And we walked out where we were, I was gonna get into Phil's car, and David, his partner, and him both fought over who was gonna take me home, who was gonna drive me. And I remember them both pulling me in. I just felt really like like, what is this? And also just I was just a young, pretty thing that like I was being treated in this way of you know, like total misogyny. Um, Phil took me in, I think it was a Porsche that he had. And um he was supposed to take me to my hotel, but on the drive, he was like, I have this beautiful French chalet, my home. I want you to see it. I want to show you all of my awards and statues, and like it, you know, it's just such an experience. Like, you really just want to go home go back to the Marriott? Like, what are you gonna do there? Like, kind of like don't be lame, you know, just like hang out. Um he coaxed me into it, uh, you know, and I I said, okay, well, maybe just for like an hour, and then I am tired. I do feel tired, like I want to go go to sleep early. And we got there and I felt uncomfortable like as soon as we got there. Um he had a lot of statues, crystal things, and like awards. And I remember being like, Oh, that's so pretty. There was this crystal thing, and I didn't want to touch it. He's like, You can touch it, the the maid will clean it, you know, kind of thing. And um, he had like a rotary phone in the in the front like foyer, and um, and I remember pretty instantly saying, you know, I think it's I think I should just kind of go like back to the hotel sooner than later. And he was like, just stay for a drink. And I said, I don't even want alcohol, because like I just didn't. And he said, I I think I have some seltzer or you know, some something like that. Um, and he like grabbed a drink and handed it to me. And then I said, I think I would just want to call a taxi. Can I call? Do you have like a this is old times too, like not, you know, uh iPhones and just look something up. And and so I was like, Um, can I look up a number for a taxi or do you know a number for a taxi? Um, and he had like yellow pages, and I looked, and the yellow pages for a taxi, and I was like about to call, and he went out of the room and I heard him make a phone call to someone. Oh, the other thing that happened was he tried to read off MK Ultra code words, and I it wasn't working fully because I was only partly dissociated because somehow my internal system had created yes, a lot of dissociation, but I had broken some of that programming already. And so I wasn't going into like immediate sex kitten stuff, I was looking at him kind of like, what are you doing? And uh in my own dissociative state, but not enough to lose consciousness. And um I heard him make a phone call, which I felt like was something about like it wasn't working, the codes. And um, and then he said, What should I do? And got off the phone, was rumbling around in both his kitchen and the bathroom, and um in like cabinets, like I could hear something. He comes out with a folded, like paper, a half-folded paper towel, and says, uh, smell this. And I was like, what is it? And he's like, it's a cologne that I bought in in Paris, and just over the nose, and I dropped to the floor. Um, and I I remember dropping, I remember literally falling to the floor and like hitting my head and just out. So what what I've come to understand is that he chloroformed me and I was just passed out for the rest of the night. Um, but I have so some uh conscious like part conscious memories uh or subconscious memories of um of conversations. Uh at one point I was aware that he had he was so demonically possessed that he said uh something like, You think you'll ever make it in this industry? You think you're better than us? Like he was angry that I did not sell my soul in that like previous um moment. And his demons were angry, and uh I couldn't do anything. I I I was like had the the thoughts and feelings to try to stop what was happening, but I couldn't. I don't think he raped me, but I I know that there was penetration. I feel that I feel that he might have done something with a like an object. Um he wanted to humiliate me and like sexually violate me. And then I also remember him calling someone and having them over, and who I've come to understand that it is, it's um Daryl Hall from Hall of Oates. I I I kind of actually think I opened my eyes a few times and just saw the figure, and he was this blonde, young musician. And I remember him saying, uh Phil saying to him, um, what do you think? And him going, She's beautiful, but what like what are you doing? You know, like what are you gonna do with her? Um, and he's like, Well, touch her, like, you know, like have some fun. Um and what I have come to understand through my memory processing uh is that he was filming him, uh he used it as an opportunity to blackmail Daryl Hall so that he could probably further control his catalog. Um whatever, you know, whatever that meant to him, but um control him as an artist under his label. Uh and by the way, Phil Spector, if if people don't know, like he like created the wall of sound, uh like it was a technique for creating like pop candy music, you know, making something really like uh catchy to the ears, as you know, in in music. He produced the Ronettes, and I think he was married to um yeah, Ronnie Spector, um uh from the Ronette. And um and he produced a lot of other musicians, and uh all I know is that uh Darryl Hall begrudgingly touched me, but I was I could feel that he did not want to, that uh even that maybe his sexual preference goes the other way, um, that he didn't want to do it, but he did the minimum, and that it was filmed. And I can also say that when I was earlier in uh exposing some of these things a little more publicly on my Instagram, uh Holland Oates watched every single story when I started to talk about Phil Spector. Every I think I even have screenshots of of the of him viewing the story, which I could probably actually find if I searched through my my photos. Uh and um yeah, he was monitoring me like to see what I was gonna tell. Well, I'm telling it because, you know. Um, and so that was my experience. I woke up the next day bottomless with like a wife beater tank top on, which I used to wear a lot of those, so it might have been my own in a very gaudy room with gold and burgundy, uh alone in a bedroom. And he acted all like, oh, you just fell asleep, like you got tired and fell asleep, and uh let me get you a cab home. He um threw money at me, cash. I didn't get paid for the I didn't really get paid, but I was supposed to get paid for that the song writing. Um I went to the Marriott to get my things, and I never got to shop, and I got on my flight back and I was in pieces that really shattered me and uh further at that age, and I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend kind of shortly after and leaving New York City because of the overwhelm of it all. And because I was ashamed, I didn't tell him I felt like I would be blamed, especially that wasn't like the healthiest relationship. Um, and I I yeah, I thought it was my fault. I mean, that's like such a thing that a lot of people say it's a very real feeling. Um, I just yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:10:48

And that was so deeply ingrained with you ever since you were a child. Everything that happens, it's always your fault. It's always your fault. It's you nobody else. You're the responsible one, you have to carry the guilt and the shame. And like there's no, you know, that's a double bind in itself. Positioning somebody from such a young age to always feel that way if something goes wrong, whether it was their fault or not, you know. So it's really sad that that that happened to you. And I try to think about being young and you know, being offered all these things, especially like before social media, you don't have like ways to catch to see where corruption happens or to see stories of people being taken advantage of. You just like have starts in your eyes, and you were a child, so even if you didn't have your memories, you still were taught to be submissive, to obey, to like go with the flow, to not speak up if something happens, yeah. And they tried so hard, and they didn't get you to sign your soul away and to harvest somebody. But I wouldn't I mean, how how do you say no when you're with a man, you're all by yourself in a in his car? Yeah, just saying you need to come to my house. Like, what else have you? gonna do jump out of his car like right he could have he could have like had a weapon on him or tried to like hurt you in his car like done right who knows like in that point it's like survival you just you you try to react to to stay safe and that's not always a rational decision that makes sense on the outside like why wouldn't you just say no like right what anybody would have could would have done that with when you're a young girl and you're with an older man in a car like yeah it just easy to like feel guilty and like oh why did I do that I should have done this or that but like it it's it's yes it is that and it's also not wanting to disappoint someone further right like so I had already disappointed him so I should have like been like you're crazy like you just like offered to like take my friend out you know for like me to have a career and I'm not getting in your car no fucking way and instead there was this ingrained programming of what like feeling like I already had disappointed them.

SPEAKER_01 2:13:08

Did I do a good job in the writing session um you know all those factors and then like here's this big hot shot like um you know producer that's like world famous and has produced all these you know hits uh and wants to spend time with me and I if I say no I'm like I'm disappointing him uh and yeah there was already this other undercurrent of um yeah just I mean this is what the both Hollywood and and and music industry uh what feeds the uh infrastructure and and feeds this the trauma is that these you know individual people that maybe come from no fame or no name and and and come from nothing you know in terms of that wanting to be a part of this empire or this force of nature and so they use that to their advantage I mean 100% it's really sad you're put in that position.

SPEAKER_00 2:14:32

You're so strong for being able to overcome that and like all the healing that you've done to be able to talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:38

I mean in one shape or another whether it was a celebrity or a boyfriend or just somebody you know most women and people have been taken advantage of in that way and have frozen or fawned and sort of like you know just had that survival mechanism come on and that's a big trauma point I think for a lot of people and so thank you for giving victims of this type of abuse you know in any type of way a voice to along with all the victims you know of and survivors of SRAMK Ultra there's a lot of people that go through this type of abuse where they're taken advantage of just an everyday life you know by random mentioned women yeah and um and I I feel for every one of them because uh yeah I just know it so well and uh anyone who is still going through their own healing journey I mean we're always healing I'm still healing like uh and maybe it's a lifetime you know healing is a lifetime experience uh but anyone in the like in the thick of it yeah I just want to tell them to keep on untangling and and like keep like being diligent about your healing is uh is a really good thing and um like you'll get to a plateau of peace yeah and um and I don't expect anything from any of the perpetrators at this point in time um but I hope for their sake the ones that are not deceased um that they come to some kind of confession uh rectification uh healing and uh you know it it I want to say to the perpetrators like if any of them are listening and I'm sure some do listen to your podcast um you know it greatly helps survivors when an abuser comes clean in any way or form that they can in some kind of apology even if it's not fully accepted it doesn't make any of the action right uh or or like okay uh it does help survivors it because the insult added to injury is to be gaslit on top of the already horrific abuse that we as survivors go through.

SPEAKER_00 2:18:00

And I think even the people that are looked at as more of the conscious people that are choosing to abuse and there are those people you know some people enjoy it genuinely and you know they've they've been created to be a monster because of it. However I think there's also the aspect of um of guilt of even if I were to come clean I've already committed all this crime just like how you said why some celebrities stay in it even if they remember things. But you know everybody that has come forward you every survivor that has come forward has in some way said that even if it wasn't like my fault and I didn't want to do it I resisted it like you were all forced to commit crime and to do things that are just horrific. And so it's like you know everybody's guilty in that way if you're looking at it of like well I did all this bad stuff well you made your kid do a bunch of bad stuff too like does that make them a criminal like right just when you can come forward you become a survivor like peop we can forgive and not necessarily forget you know and it doesn't rectify it but we can say like that's amazing that that you decided to come forward out of that you know despite everything like you guys know more than anything the losses and the the gaslighting and how how you're treated sometimes coming out of this you know and right down to people not believing you so of course there's like all that but it's like the relief that it would give survivors just to hear some type of like confession like you said rectification a um a begging of forgiveness even you know like yeah yeah and if if yeah if you don't do it uh in uh human form like in this reality you're gonna have to do it with God so 100% yes and like maybe you know maybe some of those people don't believe in God um yeah you're not getting out of this life scot free sorry exactly you might as well just come forward while you're here and try to do the best that you can you know and at least do some good on this plane at least do some good for survivors that are like enduring horrible conditions you know like in in even just remembering what they went through 20 years ago or so the the the trauma of remembering is it's like yeah it's horrific yeah that's why like you and you know everybody else like you guys are all so brave like for what you've risked and given up and sacrificed and you know the cost of coming forward and leaving that is so great even though it's so rewarding once you go through the healing and you realize what you walked away from and how you dodged a bullet you know quite literally in a lot of cases. It's just it's amazing that anybody leaves when you when you learn about you know the levels of depravity and dehumanization that they put you through to to create you know loyalty to the evils and the um you know the the bad that they do ultimately and so it's really courageous and it's amazing to see how far you've come and even to see like what you've created through this. I don't know if you'd want to to take time now to go through some of your music that we were going to share in the art. Yeah sure but it's really neat to see on the other side you've had these gifts that you are being groomed for and you know you get to use them in your own way now and share music that you want to share in a way that's authentic to you. And so what I'll do is I'm gonna bring this photo up and so this is kind of a cover to the song and do you want to preface the song or talk about it before we play it?

SPEAKER_01 2:21:59

Yeah first of all I want to say like I I had a painting and an AI kind of redesigned it so I'm sorry that there's one eye on the left it's not the signal to the Illuminati or something. It's just that's how it came out and um it can be the all-seeing eye of the real God or whatever. But yeah nothing breaks in heaven it's just about um you know the perfection of a higher place um rising above everything that you've gone through uh in life and how the spirit is uh um you know infinite and uh is the word infallible I don't want to re I don't want to misuse that word um is that the word sounds like it could be yeah infallible how you're using it it's I mean I just believe that you know we we get wounded on in our minds and our bodies and yes souls can be plagued but I also believe when we're when we're like purely in our light we we maintain that innocence and purity and so that song is uh you know an expression of that um and the way the song came originally a lot of my songs come in dreams I I usually will get a melody and a couple lyrics and then kind of um you know sketch the song out from there this one was uh it came in a in a dream the melody and then um I started just you know I use voice memos to remember that catch it from the dream and then like build it out from there and there's another song that I probably will share on my social media on the Instagram there's some songs that I I need to you know change the song covers so that um my moniker is on it but there's another song I wrote called Salvation and that also came in a dream vision where I was like in the in between and I saw River Phoenix the actor in the dream and we were in this like it was kind of like a cloud cave but it was a holding space and he said um all I want to do is find a way to get to salvation and um he was sitting at a card table playing cards and he had like gold teeth so I actually used some of there's a lyric in um the beginning of nothing breaks in heaven that I I used from that dream as well but most of salvation is about that dream and the struggle of the soul you know coming back to its purity and forgiveness and back to God.

SPEAKER_02 2:25:51

I mean all my songs are kind of about God yeah because that's the ultimate that's beautiful I'm gonna hit I'm gonna hit play you let me know if you can't hear it for some reason okay oh sure I've been going to the same in your dream in the dream down to your knee the dream you hide your tree smile with your body now that is a threat never know you hang out to you on the time looking for freedom and a top everyone wants everyone that's what's waking lies wow what an incredibly beautiful song was it enjoyable oh my gosh it was so incredibly amazing and whenever I listen I was listening to that earlier and it just like you literally just sound like an angel and oh my god thank you stunning you know I'm I'm so happy that you're using your gift you and other survivors and we'll show a couple pieces of your artwork too but okay it's like whenever we're young we're sort of conditioned once we start going to school that like you know you only do art and creativity if you're good at it.

SPEAKER_00 2:31:29

So you specialize in theater if you can sing and if you can't sing you don't you don't ever sing. If you um enjoy art but you're not good at it you probably don't want to be in an art class with other artists. So you just kind of like give up creativity and like you Madison who is also an amazing singer like how we're talking about earlier um you're an artist as far as you paint and draw as well and a lot of survivors use that writing you're you're a brilliant writer and a lot of survivors write books and have blogs you know and you guys are all teaching us like the healing power of creativity and like how much we can put like self-expression and processing and healing you know and just seeing like what comes out and like you know you're not in a studio you're not with freaking you know Linda Perry and Pink and like having this professional experience like you're doing by yourself. This is like your lyrics your like it's your voice you know you're producing it and putting it out and creating it and like I'm just blown away at what you've created and then like that you did all this by yourself without the help of you know that pathway that you were supposed to be in and like you get to choose your lyrics.

SPEAKER_01 2:32:40

They don't have to be these like inverted and you know they're it's genuinely you yes thank you yeah and there's so much more music that wants to come and so many memos I have of other song ideas and I I was thinking of even um training with this woman as uh a little bit in some opera because I kind of want to take some of the range like into an opera operatic place. And um I want to do some even more a cappella sort of sparse instrument you know almost a cappella you know basically with some sparse instrumentation and um I want them to be uh some of the new songs to be like transmissions like musical transmissions a healing um yeah I love writing music and it's nice to write your own and not just give your story away so someone else can use it for their own. Exactly and that was not the other only song that I helped to ghost write um there was another big artist that it and it's a big song but I I don't know that I want to go into it just now But um that was yeah that happened in a really kind of weird way um and you know I but I feel more resolved in these things like I didn't get out outside retribution, I didn't get to sue, you know, all the people in that studio to get more money for, you know, but but you're not a slave like them, like you're not a slave like them, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:34:33

Your soul isn't tied to the devil, like theirs is. They might have all the money, and you know, they're getting away with with committing crime on people like you, and I'm sure there's many others that they've taken advantage of, but right, you have a clear soul, you're living in truth, and yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:34:47

So I'm the wealthy one, aren't I?

SPEAKER_00 2:34:50

Yes, you've broken the chain and they're still chained up. Yes. And so if it's okay with you, I'll bring up a couple drawings that we're gonna share.

SPEAKER_01 2:34:59

Sure. So all of these are whips, like you know, work in progress. I I a painting, like they say, is never finished. I don't feel these are really fully close to finished, but just to uh one of them that you're gonna pull up is uh an actual seraphim angel that I saw, which I yeah, I'm gonna, I need it needs more layers. Um, but it is the seraphim. I had to look it up what it was, uh, because I literally saw a multiple winged being floating in my room as my head was laying on the pillow and it was floating towards me. And I had to literally rub my eyes. Like I was like, what? And it was still there. Um and as soon I got scared, to be honest. As soon as I got scared and pulled my energy back, it pulled back too and ended up disappearing. So, but like, you know, in the Bible it says fear not like the you know, and they say angels can be a little scary. Um, I had to look up multiple winged being, uh, my multiple winged and eyes, because it had a bunch of small eyes uh on the wings. And um, when I looked it up, it said biblic biblical angel, um, seraphim.

unknown 2:36:32

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 2:36:34

It's beautiful. I'm excited to see you know the layers that still continue to come out and layer over it, and we'll have to show it next time you're on where it's progressed to, but it's stunning right now.

SPEAKER_01 2:36:44

Thank you. And it will be for sale because I want to sell my art. I want to keep making art. And um, you know, when I sell something, then I can make another, I can make new, and I love to keep creating.

SPEAKER_00 2:37:02

And you should. Like, this is your hard work and it's it's meaningful, and it's you processing and and sharing with us, and you deserve to be able to continue doing it, you know, and you also deserve for us to support you. Um, like we just said, like you didn't you walked away from all the money you could have made and all the fame, and like we expect you guys to come forward and tell us all the names and do all this and put your life at risk. And if if we're gonna ask that, the least we can do is help you guys continue doing what you're doing and protect you with the funds that you need, the resources, the safety and protection. You know, and that means us stepping up to to to do things like support your work. And I love that you're gonna be selling them.

SPEAKER_01 2:37:41

Thank you. Yay, and I can I say one more thing about I just like I I'm particularly a little like uh you know, nervous because of Madison, and you know, like that was uh that was an example that could have shut me up more. Um, and in fact, it makes me want to speak out more. And I just want to say, um, if anyone were to try to take me out, there will be serious hell to pay. Like, there's no way it's just not worth it. Sorry for for you. Yes, yes, or Emma Catherine. Like, sorry, it will be a battalion of you know angels revenge. You don't want that on the light side, you don't yeah. Archangel Michael and his sword and Yeshua Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This one is kind of I don't know. That one I did more with my heart. I just felt into the painting of what like my heart wanted to like pull out onto the canvas. But it's again, it's not finished, it needs more, it will get more.

SPEAKER_00 2:39:16

The detail and the shading, I love all the different colors and how there's so many colors in here, but they blend so well, you almost have to like look really close to see that there's so many colors mixed into it. And the shading is just beautiful and the details, and where you chose to use like hard lines versus where you blended really softly. There's so much talent that you can see, like so many different skills that you put into this.

SPEAKER_01 2:39:39

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, I mean, I'm I only had some like formal painting classes, like training in college, and then I just was like, eh, I know how to paint the apple. I just want to do my abstract thing and like feel on the canvas.

SPEAKER_00 2:40:01

And for people listening, um, we shared one song of many that Magnolia has. However, if you guys enjoy that song, I'm gonna have a link for it in the show notes. You guys can go check it out and listen to it on repeat, like how I want to with all of her music. And of course, if we have um other songs um that are out that we can publish under Magnolia Dove, I'll have those as well. That way you guys can go stream those as well. Um, but either way, I would encourage you guys just to follow Magnolia's journey and to, you know, share the concepts and the music and the social media that she does have out now under that name. And, you know, be there. We need to create armies for survivors and to help support them. And easy free way to do that, besides supporting their work, is is following them and sharing their music and sharing their art and you know, just getting on board being being the army that they didn't have growing up. And it helps keep them safe, you know. Believe it or not, they're speaking out and there's tons of people following them and keeping an eye out and commenting and sharing and supporting. It makes the enemy have a lot harder time to have access to do anything to them because they're not isolated and alone, like how they want them to be. So it really helps if you guys are helping stream music and sharing it and bringing awareness. And of course, it's it's it's really wholesome, wonderful stuff that you're not gonna hear on the radio. So um we'll have that link below.

SPEAKER_01 2:41:29

Thank you. Yeah, and if there's any uh like experienced producers that would want to long distance produce, um, like create tracks together, I could be open to collaboration like that, and then you know, just pop into a local studio to get the actual recording done, which I'm pretty efficient in a recording studio.

SPEAKER_00 2:41:54

Like that would be amazing.

SPEAKER_01 2:41:56

Cutting vocals. Yeah, I'm always like if it's uh creatively aligned, yeah. I love working on music.

SPEAKER_00 2:42:06

And if people want to follow you or connect with you elsewhere, privately or on social media, um, are you available or do you have any accounts anywhere that people can connect with you?

SPEAKER_01 2:42:16

I have the Magnolia Dove777 right now. I have a my own personal, which is a bigger following, but I'm uh not ready yet for that. Um but in the future possibly.

SPEAKER_00 2:42:35

And I'll share this one real quick just so that way people who are watching the video can see. So Magnolia Dove does have um an Instagram and you guys can follow her there. Magnolia Dove, just like she said, 777. And if you guys follow, you guys can reach out through DMs. Um, and of course, if you guys want to share something, or or if you don't have Instagram, my emails as well are below. And if you guys email me, I will forward it on to Magnolia and make sure that she gets it. Um and you guys can start a correspondence that way if it's if she sees fit. But um I would definitely take advantage of supporting on social media and you know, go down in the links. And um the the last thing I wanted to say too regarding how people can support. Um, you have a GoFundMe. And so if you want to talk a little bit about that, we'll have that too. But um, those funds will go as well towards supporting Magnolia's mission too.

SPEAKER_01 2:43:34

Okay, yeah. So so that's something that I'm creating, and it would just be to help. Like, I'm still healing, I'm I still support other people in their healing. I'm in touch with several survivors that I work with them um for not a lot of money, really. Um it's like whatever they can pay, it's like donation. Um and it's just to help people heal, but I'm also, you know, living in a house with bills that are um racking up. And uh I don't, you know, it's it's just if you feel called, um it it helps, it helps so that I can um live and not be in like high survival so that I also have time to create uh more art, more music. Um yeah. So again, only if you feel inclined, that also is going to be set up. And I know that I need to work more on my Instagram. Uh, the Magnolia Dove one needs a little more attention. So I'm gonna work on putting some some things together there.

SPEAKER_00 2:45:01

Yay! And if you guys are interested in her art too, please keep in touch that way. Whenever they do go for sale and they're available, um, you guys can sort of be on the the cutting edge in the forefront of being the first that can go purchase. So you guys can again follow her on Instagram, support her through her music, and of course, please donate if you guys, like she said, feel called. It's the best way you guys can use your money if you want to support this movement. A lot of people are already supporting nonprofits and then being like, oh, well, they're corrupt. What do I do with this money that I would have been giving to somebody? And you know, just giving directly to survivors goes such a long way. So we'll have the GoFundMe below as well.

SPEAKER_01 2:45:42

Yeah, and one thing I want to say is like I'm in touch with one survivor who's just uh coming to terms with some of his SRA. And um he's living in his car, he lives in his van, and uh I help him and um you know in ways that I can uh with you know some uh healing work and just even like little jobs that I need help that I can't do, I'll I'll pay what I can, and um, and so uh I just I believe in paying it forward, is is what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 2:46:25

Like you're such an angel. You have all this that you just shared, and you you give your heart and open up your arms to other people and in need, you know, and it just shows so much about your character and your spirit and your integrity and your heart. Thank you for all that you're doing for the community behind the scenes informatically.

SPEAKER_01 2:46:45

Yeah, I feel behind I'm behind the scenes, but I'm definitely on the force for sure. Yes, yeah, thank you. And um I just again like thank you so much for the work that you do, that you continue to do so bravely and like undeterred. And like, we need you, we need you.

SPEAKER_00 2:47:11

It's my honor. I'm so grateful I get to you, and you know, there's no greater cause in the world. I hope more people and more people continue to see the importance of it and find ways in their own life that they can support, you know, and uh donate their own skills and time and however it is to helping this mission. So thank you so much for sharing. And was there anything else that you wanted to share today? Did we get to everything?

SPEAKER_01 2:47:34

I feel we really covered a lot. Um I I it feels pretty complete. Um and I would love to do a part three at some point. Yeah. Me too. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 2:47:49

So if you guys listening have any questions, um, leave them in the comments, or of course, you guys can reach out to us and ask for a part three so we can answer maybe some of your questions as well. But go down the show notes and connect with Magnolia, support her music, social media, go find me, and all my links will be down there below. So thank you guys so much for listening. God bless you all, and we will see you next time.